I, as a self interested young man with big ideas, was thinking about ways of making easy money. Going down the list from "Stealing from the Cidade Jardim stores" to "investing in BP," I finally figured out what I have to do to get rich quick. I'm going to start my own religion.
"But Chris, people already love Jesus! Why would they want to listen to you?" Simple! There are many lost souls out there, and these lost souls could find the way to the lord Jeebus or Buddha or whoever it is they must worship...through me! I am sure it is much simpler than it sounds. I wouldn't even need a building anymore, just a YouTube account and some humble-looking clothes, as well as a rather thick book that I won't actually read from.
"Well then, what are your core beliefs?" I wasn't aware I needed them, to be honest. Core beliefs as a basis for religion are so passé, that was the in-thing in 5000 BC. Making them up as we go along is where it's at nowadays. Pay me £300 and the first set of documents can be yours! Perhaps I'll simply steal some of those self-esteem boosters we all heard back when we were 10 and just extend them into religious beliefs. I mean, it worked for that bird who wrote "The Secret," didn't it?
So since it's important to get a strong basis to start off with, I invite anyone who wants to join in to make an initial investment. It will pay off handsomely, seeing as I will be tithing other members 20%, plus their own initial investments themselves. Then it sort of works out that you get loads of people investing in our religion from the bottom up, and this leads to their salvation.
Then, of course, I get that home theatre I've always wanted. Absolution pays.
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